So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
