Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We are all done wearing pants today
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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