i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
