I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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