Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize