Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
