thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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