I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
