Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
