It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
