in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
