Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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