K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
