I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
