your parents love me but you hate me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize