Is it normal to miss your booty call?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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