He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
