so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
