Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
