I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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