I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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