Whod you bang
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
