Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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