If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
