Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
