it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
