You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
