A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.