youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
