would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
