He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
