I am in a vortex of obligation.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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