Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
