i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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