Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
