I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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