I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize