Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
