I have demons in me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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