Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize