clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
