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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
