My sheets look like a crime scene.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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