im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
