I'm so fucking centered right now
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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