if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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