Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
