Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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