Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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