this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
