I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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