Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
