He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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