new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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