Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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