i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
